My sister, Allison, and I don’t always get along, but when we do, we do. Her and I had a really nice conversation the other day about social media and what it’s doing for us mentally. As you can probably guess, there weren’t many positives.
Back in April, Kristen and I decided to delete our social media just to see. Apps were removed from our phones, but our accounts were never deleted. I could never actually do that. Anyway, we got rid of Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok (the hardest), as well as any other lesser known apps used for doomscrolling. I can’t exactly remember how long we were gone, but I want to say maybe 2 months? I know that doesn’t sound like a long time, but just try it, you’ll see.
The conversation with my sister covered topics like external validation, posting for performance, being constantly available, etc. All things we know subconsciously, but don’t give the time of day.
Below are the Pros & Cons of social media for me specifically:
PROS
- I can see what my family and friends are up to
- It’s easy to talk to someone you haven’t spoken to in a long time
- It’s easy to document my life and look back on it
CONS
- Most people who post aren’t even genuine or truthful
- I’m constantly available to people
- I seek constant validation from people on a screen
Listen, the list can be longer. I just don’t have the time to continue it.
After a while, my posting became performative. How many people can relate to me, who thinks I’m funny, what carousel will get the most attention? Obviously this isn’t fun to admit, but it’s the truth. I was using social media to try and control the narrative and perception of me. You see what I want you to see on my pages.
I also found myself seeking validation from friends, family, and strangers on the internet. How many likes could I get? Who has liked my story? None of this is important. None of this equates to my self worth. I don’t need validation from people online nor should I seek it from those who don’t actually know me. Everyone I want to talk to has my phone number and knows who I am.
My sister and I decided to remove Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok until at least the new year (we did this in the first week of December). Kristen is also doing it again with me. It’s not too long away, only about 3 weeks. If the new year comes and we decide we want to redownload everything, we can. And if not, then we don’t have to. It’s just to see how our minds change in the short amount of time.
I doomscroll a lot. I consume so much on the internet that humans weren’t even meant to consume. Social media is a deathtrap and also a beautiful thing. I realized it was negatively impacting me, and I want to be in control of my own life. I want my scrolling and information intake to be intentional and not because I have an addiction to my phone screen. I also do not need to be constantly available all the time. Bring back emailing.
What I have learned so far from being off social media?
- I’m addicted. If there’s a 30 sec. commercial break I immediately reach for my phone. I have lost all control when it comes to my phone
- I’m not comparing myself as much to the people around me. We’re all not in the same boat, so why do I do a 1:1 comparison?
- My validation comes from me
- I’m allowed to like and dislike whatever I want without the fear of judgment. The internet isn’t telling me how to enjoy my day or what I should be doing, so I’m happier
- Photos and videos are still allowed to be taken all the time! I just don’t have to post it every single time to show the internet who I’m with and what I’m doing
There is so much to say about social media and our addictions. But for right now, I’m going to wrap it up about my experience. I’m turning to validating myself and making connections in person rather than through a screen. Working on controlling my use of my phone and putting intention behind everything I’m doing. I don’t want to be mindless or be in the back seat of my life car. I’m in charge.
This is also not to say that people who use social media are bad or less than. Everyone can do as they please when it comes to their own phone. Personally, I realized I needed to take a step back and get my mental health in check. Constant dopamine was making the lows low, and I didn’t want that for myself.
Not posting has been very difficult, but rewarding. I’ll allow myself back on when I feel like I am in control. If you have any experiences with distancing yourself from social media, please let me know how it went for you! Or if you decide to take the plunge now, I want to hear about your journey.
