Oh boy does this question come up a lot. Which I understand because we’re all born with a name we didn’t get to choose. So if you had the power to choose your name, what would it be?
When I write anything fiction, one of my favorite parts is picking out names for the characters. I’m very familiar with name generators on the internet. A lot of my digital footprint exists on these websites. My deadname is Danielle, but for the most recent years of my life I’ve been known as Dani. I didn’t hate my given name. I still don’t. I think it’s a pretty name and I think it fit me well at the time, but it doesn’t fit me now. My mom questioned why I couldn’t just go by “Danny,” but other than the reason it would’ve been easier for her, I didn’t identify with that name anymore. I wanted to have an obvious distinction between Dani and who I am now. Although I am the same person, changing my name was very important to me. It was the first step into changing who I was always meant to be.
The night I came out to Kristen, we were sitting on our bed and I returned to my favorite name generator. I didn’t have a specific name I wanted. I read a few names out loud to my wife and made a list of the names I liked and could see myself going by for the rest of my life. This was the first step for me. After a few hours of searching and having Kristen test the names out loud, I settled on two. Levi and Wesley.
My Hogwarts Legacy character’s name is Levi. I’ve familiarized myself with that name for a while. But when Kristen and I were testing it out, it just didn’t fit. Wesley seemed to fit me better. I wanted a name that can be shortened to a nickname like how Danielle was shortened to Dani. The same night Kristen started calling me Wesley. And then shortly after my friends started calling me Wes. It worked. I felt like it fit me. It empowered me and added another confident layer to my identity.
I also don’t understand why people can’t use others’ preferred names. Nicknames in general are a preferred name. It actually costs zero energy to call someone by whatever name they want, and more energy to fight them on it. Regardless if you think someone’s name is “silly” or not, a decent person would respect it. Just as you would want someone to call you by your preferred name. Also, who are you to decide what someone’s name is?
My favorite thing is when someone comes up to me and asks if Wes was a family name or if it meant something to me before I chose it and I’m like no. I just picked it from a random generator. Not everything has to mean something for it to be valued.
I do want to mention that you don’t have to identify as transgender to change your name if that’s something you want to do. There are lots of people who change their names for MANY different reasons. If you feel as though your name doesn’t fit you, change it. Society is so caught up on uniformity and everything having its place and no one can step out of line, but I love to actively fight that and watch people squirm. Question everything.
There are also trans people who do change their name many months or even years into their transition timeline. They are just as valid. I understand it can be confusing. But their journey is their own, and it’s not up to you to judge them because maybe it’s not something you would’ve done.
At the end of the day, do whatever you want to do as long as it’s not harming anyone else. Live your life the way you want to. People are going to judge you no matter what you do, so work on that confidence and block them out. No one can make that ship sink unless you let the water in.
