Making friends was never an issue for me. Keeping friends though, that’s a different story.
Throughout my life I usually only had a few close friends, and that was it. I liked only having one or two close friends, and no more than that. More than that, and I would not succeed in the group. If someone asked me right now who my best friends are, I could name 4 people. From everyone I’ve met in my life. And two of them don’t even live near me.
Fast forward to when I started working for the job I work at now. I’ll spare you of naming every single person I befriended and get to the juicy stuff. I found myself part of a friend group. A large friend group in my opinion. Like, 8 people? Spoiler alert; it failed. And then a smaller friend group was made, and that failed, too. I’m getting ahead of myself.
My first friend when I moved to Florida is part of the 4 friends I mentioned above. His wife, too. The two of us survived the fallout of two friend groups together. The first group was great for a while and memories were made. Something happened and the group split. The next friend group was then created. After the first fallout, I didn’t want another friend group. I don’t thrive in them. Regardless, the group was made. And a member of the group brought someone else in, without asking anyone else. I felt like I was forced to be friends with this new person. No one gave me the option to get to know the person on my own. They were just there and I was told we were friends. Eventually we became good friends (in my own time) but I think that caused jealousy within other members.
Anyway-
Here’s the thing about me. I give people my all. My mom always told me I put all my eggs into one basket. She is right; I can’t help it. I put a lot of myself into my friendships. This friend group was good for a while. Many of my fondest memories in Florida include them. These are the first people I came out to, and was accepted right away. I thought I had found my people. I was wrong. I still look at old photos and videos and reminisce.
My biggest lesson I learned was to believe people when they show you who they are. People can only fake who they are for so long. My friend would ice people out at the drop of a dime. You never think they’ll do it to you. But they will. It’s funny, because I just watched my sister go through the same friend break up not long before mine.
I injured my back, and was out of work for a few weeks. I was never checked up on by some friends in the group. This is when I knew I was iced out. Because you show up for your friends, as I continuously have done. I was no longer useful.
I gave this group my all. More than some of them deserved. And they took and never gave. They took until there was nothing left to give, and once I stopped giving, there was no more space for me. Onto the next friend. So, I told myself when 2025 hits, I will be leaving people behind. I will only reciprocate energy given. Life’s too short to spend it with people who use you and don’t care.
I’ve learned. I’ve moved on. But I still find myself missing the memories. These were people I came out to before anyone knew. There’s a lot more to say, but those thoughts live in my journal.
Losing people sucks. That’s life. We outgrow people. We realize our worth and what we’re not okay settling with. Part of constantly growing is realizing some people are in our lives for a reason. Once that purpose is fulfilled, we move on. If losing people means gaining myself, I’ll choose it 100% of the time.
TLDR; friend groups are not for me
