One of the reasons I wanted to start this blog was to talk about taboo topics. People think a lot of things they don’t say out loud. But here’s the thing about me: I will say these things out loud. And the unpopular opinion of having crushes while in a relationship is one of them.
I want to preface the post by saying my opinions are MY opinions. You do not have to agree with them. I’m sure you’ll find that you either agree with this post and will never tell anyone, or you don’t agree. Both are okay. This post is also published with Kristen’s blessing if anyone was wondering.
Every relationship is different, because every person is different. So what works for one couple might not work for another and vice versa. And there’s no one that can decide what works for a couple except the people involved. There are many things that are considered universal cheating, but really only the people in the relationship can define what cheating means to them.
I have had crushes on other people while I’ve been in a relationship with Kristen. Some were short, while others lasted longer. I have a very honest relationship with my wife, so she knew everything right away. Let me also just say that if I get a crush, it means nothing to me. A crush is a projection of our wishes and desires onto the nearest face we find attractive.
People get crushes all the time whether or not they’re in a relationship. When you’re in a relationship though and you start to get a crush, people don’t usually speak up. They’re afraid it will make their partner jealous if they say it out loud or they’ll think it’s real feelings or their partner will think they’re leaving them for the crush. Not true. People find others attractive all the time. It doesn’t just go away because now you’re in a relationship.
I guess we should also define what a crush is. To me, it’s a strong feeling of infatuation or attraction towards someone and you like to be around them and want to get to know them better. I end up projecting my own ideas of a perfect person onto someone I find attractive and call that a crush. Then I get to know them, and the crush immediately falls flat. I develop a crush on people based on my own ideas and not the actual person.
I tend to get crushes on co-workers. We spend a lot of time with our co-workers. Having a crush makes going to work fun. As soon as I leave work though, I forget about them. Pretty much doing it for the plot.
This is not talked about at all publicly. People in relationships don’t usually speak up about having crushes on other people. Because most of the time, it doesn’t mean anything. It’s like letting a thought pass. I don’t think having a crush while in a relationship is a bad thing UNLESS you act upon those desires; emotionally or physically. Just because you find someone else attractive doesn’t mean you’re a cheater. Crushes will pass, but if you act on them in any capacity, now that’s cheating.
Communication is key. Kristen and I are very honest and communicate stuff like this all the time. She knows every crush I’ve ever had. She’s set boundaries when needed. I have a flirty personality in general. What works in my relationship might not work in yours.
Every relationship is different. I’m just speaking about things you guys are too afraid to talk about out loud. At the end of day, do whatever works for you and your significant other. Humans are capable of liking multiple people at the same time. It’s your actions that give it weight. Many of us having passing thoughts. I tend to let those thoughts linger, and then I create my own ideas of someone, and then sometimes in my head push those ideas onto someone I find attractive.
Having a crush in a relationship is common and harmless. It’s a natural human experience to feel attraction to others while in a relationship. They are temporary infatuations. They can stem from boredom or excitement. It doesn’t mean you’re unhappy in your current relationship. Its escapism. If your partner has a crush, it doesn’t mean they’re leaving you. If you have a crush, it doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner. Communication is the key to everything!!
