I could say that I’m waiting till the last day of pride to write this as some testimony to wanting to have the full month to reflect or that I was so busy with queer love that it slipped my mind. But that wouldn’t be true.
I’m waiting til the last day for two reasons:
1) I’m the world biggest procrastinator – just ask Wesley (so true -Wes)
2) My relationship with pride has shifted and I still don’t really know how to talk about it
From the age of 18 until 27 I identified as a lesbian. It was a label I was extremely comfortable with and one I never thought would ever ever change. Since Wesley has come out, I don’t know where I stand anymore.
I love the queer community. Throughout history it is the reason for so many big things and so much love and grace and it is the most beautiful thing to experience. And when Wesley came out and there were a lot of different voices. There were people on Reddit saying you can’t be a lesbian and be with a trans man and stuff saying that your lesbian partner says they are okay with you coming out now, but that’s just a horror story waiting to happen.
I’m one that listens to outside opinions way too much and this got to me. I stopped using the label and decided I was back to not knowing what my sexuality was. I love my husband and if god forbid anything were to happen, I would never date another man. So what does that say about me? What does the world decide I am with that information?
And then I realized it doesn’t get to decide what I am. I am a lesbian who happens to have a husband. He changed and that doesn’t mean my sexuality had to as well. That also doesn’t mean my love for him is any less true. My husband is my best friend, my partner, and who I want to spend the rest of my life with.
The beauty of pride and the queer community is that anyone can be whoever they want to be and be with whoever they want to be. My first pride parade I’ve never felt so seen. I went to a lesbian bar and could have cried because of how wonderful and safe and right it felt. Those feelings don’t go away. I was so afraid I wouldn’t be accepted because now I’m in a straight passing relationship. It’s caused a lot of turmoil inside of myself and still does on some days. But I know who I am and who I love and what that means. And this community is still mine.
It will still happen and there will be keyboard warriors trying to tear anyone down. And their voices aren’t the ones that matter. What matters is your own and what you feel in your own heart. That is what pride is about and that is what pride means to me.
To just be able to be yourself.
