There are so many people in the world who are struggling with their identity in all forms. I did for ten years. So, I’m about to tell you how I got to where I am now, in hopes of helping others who think they’re alone. Without further ado, here’s my personal story. This will be a long read, fair warning.
When I was under the age of 5 (I don’t know what age specifically, but I know it was under 5), I told my family when I grew up I wanted to either be a dog or a boy. I really loved the movie Balto, okay!
No one thought anything of it.
My childhood and teenage years I was a huge tomboy. I had “crushes” on girls, but I didn’t know what a crush was until later. I had a friend I would play “house” with, and I was always the boyfriend. Every time.
Every (most) queer person has a gay awakening. Mine was Fifth Harmony. Specifically Camila Cabello. Send your hate mail somewhere else. It was 2014 when I watched one of their performances on the computer and immediately said to myself “I think I’m bisexual.” I don’t remember having any LGBTQ+ friends at the time, so I turned to Tumblr. That’s where I made a handful of friends who helped me with understanding some part of my sexuality. I was free to be who I wanted on the internet and voice what I liked as an anonymous person. Some of those friends I’m still in contact with over Facebook/Instagram.
I was a senior in high school sitting in math class. School hadn’t even started for the day yet. I texted my mom and dad in a group chat and told them I was gay, but that I also still liked boys. It was a cringey text, I will never show people. My mom never texted me back at all that day. My dad, though, said something like he had an idea. I remember telling him I was scared and that I didn’t want to be this way and I would never be happy, and he pretty much reassured me that everything was going to be fine.
After that, I came out to my friends at the time via a text in a group chat that my sister was part of. My sister was sitting next to me on the couch when she received my coming out text. Some words of advice, don’t come out to your family through a text. Actually, do whatever makes you comfortable, but I still haven’t heard the end of it.
A few months after I turned 18, I was in a relationship with a girl that was long distance. I think I liked that because I could tell the public that I had a girlfriend without actually having to act on it. We were on and off for a year (my fault).
Somehow, I found myself watching trans YouTubers. I was very interested in the trans community at the time, but kept that to myself. I would watch videos and also take quizzes. Should’ve been a dead giveaway, but denial is so strong. I asked my girlfriend if she would still love me if I was transgender and she said no. So, that was the end of that. I immediately disconnected from any part of that identity because if she didn’t love me, then who else in the world would?
After that, I came out as a lesbian and the girl and I ultimately didn’t work out. Then I met Kristen, my now wife. One time I was on vacation with my family and somehow the topic of the transgender community came up, and I got into a fight with my family about it. You can probably guess what side they were on. In the argument, I asked my dad and brother if they would ever call me by whatever name I wanted if I was trans and they both said no. Again, right back in that closet. There have been similar conversations over the years where I knew coming out was never an option. I couldn’t be transgender. Nobody would ever love me.
Thankfully, with Kristen, I met someone who gave me the confidence to be myself. Someone who was always in my corner no matter what. I was able to express myself in ways without feeling any judgement. It’s crazy what a little support can do. Then, I moved to Florida and met wonderful people who I believed loved me. At work and in my personal life, everyone was an advocate for people who just wanted to be themselves. My confidence grew, and so did the thoughts about my identity.
I came out to Kristen over text. I for real did not learn my lesson. To be fair, I told her I was questioning things and she said she’s had an idea for awhile. I was in a safe space. It was okay to be honest. We went out to dinner that night in September 2024 and I cried in Miller’s about how I don’t want to be this way. Really, the only thing stopping me was that I thought my family would never want me. After all those conversations throughout the years, I knew where they stood, and it wasn’t in my favor. I love my family, I couldn’t imagine not having them in my life. Also, Kristen married a woman, not a man. I was changing her life, too.
I picked my name that night. Cut off all my hair two days later.
Despite the challenges I knew were coming, I’ve never felt so free. All the hardships that were about to come my way was worth it because I had finally admitted to myself that I wasn’t a girl. Nobody can understand this unless you go through it. And it’s okay to not understand.
I had my wife and my friends in my corner. Immediately they all started calling me Wes outside of work. It felt right. They were so loving and caring and there for me. If someone wanted to hurt me they’d have to go through them. I was safe. I was me.
I learned my lesson from the first time and came out to my parents in person. It went exactly how I expected. There will be no details on that. I still wasn’t ready to announce myself to the public though. Many sessions of therapy later, I felt a little better about myself. Lots of healing and discovery.
Allison, Kristen, and I were sitting in Buffalo Wild Wings one night when they told me I should come out publicly. There was nothing stopping me. That night, I came out to the public, and don’t regret it for a second.
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Really why I’m writing about this journey is to hopefully show others that it’s okay to not know or to question. Nobody has it together. It’s also okay to change your mind. And if you think you don’t have support, you do. My DMs are always open on Instagram @wes.sacerdote. A great place to reach out to is your local LGBTQ center. They will have resources and support groups for you. There is space for everyone to be who they are.
There is also no correct timeline for these things. Your timeline is your own, and it’s not wrong. It’s also never too late to come out. The best advice I have is to trust yourself and be confident. There’s no one out there like you.
